We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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