Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
