What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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