Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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