Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
