3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
