I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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