Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
