We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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