Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
