I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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