god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
