Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
