my sisters under your porch take her home
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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