The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
