He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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