our cab driver is having phone sex.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
