What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
