dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
