you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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