He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
