someone threw a dead crab at me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how does that bad decision feel?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
