That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
