I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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