dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
