big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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