not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
