watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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