i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
