you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
