plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
