I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
