she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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