If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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