Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
