I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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