1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
