For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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