There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
from now on my penis is your penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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