You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
