Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
