overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
