your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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