Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
