Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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