White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
