We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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