I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
