We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
