Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
