It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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