Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
